On different sides

Pathetic, isnt it?

When the thing was once within reach and you just stared at it; and now that it is gone, you feel miserable letting it pass you.

I like the thought of it. You. Suffering. Seeing your own demons.

That’s what happened to me. That’s what happened to me in those past years. And what did you do? You added to the suffering. You kept adding and adding to suffice your unending pleasure seeing me in this agony.

I apologized. I accepted the consequences. I tried to redeem myself. I did everything. I basically did every stupid thing possible to gain your forgiveness—and indirectly, not to mention, if a chance exists, to win you back.

But in those years, all you did was drive me away. All you did was do every ill thing there is to hurt me. All you did was make me suffer.

You were engrossed with the thought that you were hurting, refusing to see that I was in deep agony and grief as well. All you see was the turbulence, the chaos, the violence of what I have seemingly caused the day when I left you. All you see was everything I was after the wrong things occurred.

They all happened in your head, and I was seeing them too. I saw them when you tried to kill my affection with your words.

I cried and suffered. Days and nights. Months unable to date. Years I could almost count.

I got up and tried to find you. I clung tight to the notion that this isn’t how it should end. Because it doesn’t have to end to begin with.

But one day came. I thought I found you.

No, it can’t be you.

That person wasn’t whom I wanted. That person wasn’t whom I longed for all this time. That person wasn’t whom I loved. That person wasn’t you. No, it can’t be you.

Because in my eyes, that person looked like my demons.

I stared at that person with apprehension, with an escalating sense of premonition stemming from the unknown. And later without forethought, tears came running down my cheeks.

You should have seen that person in my eyes.

And from that moment I gathered, you’re gone. I reckoned I’ve completely lost you.

Now, you plead for understanding and consideration? This isn’t how this game is played. This wasn’t a fairy tale, this wasn’t a movie. Nobody knows anything, especially you and me.

No one would come back. No one would have the faith to understand. No one believes in destiny, and no one dares a move to get at anything.

This is an impasse. We are in an impasse.

And we couldn’t get out here together. We individually make the choices. Either we move somewhere from here and ahead, separately, or stagnate advancement.

We’ll have to go our separate ways, just what happens in reality.

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