I dont know why but every time I’m pained, something in me shuts down.
The past few days have been pretty terrible for me. I’m on the brink of failure. I no longer know what to do with myself. I thought everything was under control.
But I realize I’m still here, breathing,
yet totally screwing it all up.
I don’t know. I feel like everything I’m doing with my life now is insignificant. I feel like garbage. I feel like I’m throwing my life away. Again. All over again.
And right now, seemed to me that this is how it’s going to be for long. This is how I’m going to be in the long run—a mess. And I cannot tide me over either.
I feel that any second now I’d collapse due to entire devastation. I really feel as if I’m going to die now. This whole melancholic and solitary atmosphere drives me insane.
I don’t even know how I manage to wake and get up every morning knowing another day of constant abasement awaits me.
I want to stop thinking.
I want to stop feeling things.