The one thing I needed, is that one thing I neglected

Find out what you love to do and figure out how you can get paid for it.

What a relevant quote.

Read that quote from Jon Negroni’s article “Why I Hate College (Even Though I Graduated)”. And ’twas a pang to my soul.

Don’t get me wrong—I don’t regret going to college. Though it’s not really necessary, I still believe it’ll help me attain my goals in the future. Not to add the fact that it strengthens my notion that it expands my chances of actually having a future.

Why is it relevant? Well, relevant because right now it’s just what I needed to hear. Or see. Or read. Whatever.

I have no direction. I wrote about this gazillions of times already, and sadly and still, it rings true. I don’t know where I’m going with this. These. I know it’s a completely bad thing to reiterate this to myself because aside from the fact that it kills my motivation, it weakens my determination to make things work. Because believe it or not, I’m stuck. And I don’t know if this would be for long.

Lately I’m fucking up so bad I always dream of chances of starting over. God, if I could only start over. Like completely deleting everything and starting again from scratch. I wouldn’t mind that.

Sometimes I always Oftentimes I wonder how things are going to turn out if I just did what I wanted—if I didn’t take into account what everybody seem to want me to be. Almost everyone had a say on what I should be. And I’m dumb enough to believe that it’ll be alright to just be what they wanted because I wasn’t sure about what I wanted anyway. Or needed.

Be a lawyer, be a doctor, take up law, go to med school—it’s what every good family demands from well, a relatively “good” child. And I only happened to like doing arts. Or music. Or literature.

But being the cockyass that I am I believed I could excel on anything if I worked hard. That I could learn to love whichever degree anyway—as long as a future is guaranteed. So I followed them, thought what they suggested isn’t so bad anyway.

But I didn’t think it’ll be this hard.

And I guess I was wrong about every thing I believed in.

And I guess I underestimated the value of passion.

For so many times I felt a brimming determination to change things into their better form despite the circumstances, despite the hardships I wasn’t really willing to go through in the first place. Because I wanted to be better. I wanted change.

And I guess, yet again, it’s going to be pointless because I don’t have the passion.

It’s not too late, I know that. But I don’t know what to do.

What to do? What to do?

What do I want to do


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