My day started at 5:10am. I haven’t slept. I couldn’t sleep. I was in my dorm then. I only had my iPod with me and unfortunately, I did not bring my cable with me and it couldn’t survive any longer.
I woke up in a Saturday afternoon, my eyes bloodshot. I haven’t had breakfast, and there’s nothing prepared on the table. Well, it was the usual routine. Everyone home slept at about six or seven in the morning. We always wake up in the afternoon feeling wasted. What’s worse, the first thing we all face are our own gadgets. They’re so immersed in playing Clash of Clans, while I’m preoccupied with my daily dose of tumblr and senseless tweeting.
It was about 4pm when I decided to go to my dorm. I have been delaying it for more than two weeks already. I felt the need to get the plan over with because 1) I gotta pay the reservation rent; 2) I’m getting some stuff; 3) I intend to clean up; 4) I had to list down the necessities before I actually move back; and 5) I’m dropping by the mall to buy a hard drive. Besides I’ve been staying in front of my laptop for the past two and a half months, I barely went out and thought I need to move my ass. And for god’s sake I might need to get some sunlight.
I was already prepared to leave at about 5pm when my eldest sister arrived. She asked where I was headed, offering me a ride because we’re going the same route anyways. She asked me to wait a few minutes. I okayed. Then a little while after, my youngest sister arrived. Long story but to make it short, she wants to be dropped off the sports center for a date. My sister couldn’t accompany her since we’re leaving early, but for some reason my eldest sister started stalling and I ended up waiting for an hour and a half. I was getting impatient and was all ready to get out and commute, but she pleaded to wait a few more minutes. I was already upset. When we’re about to leave, she suddenly went down to call my youngest sister. She said she’d give her a ride (along with her friends). I closed my eyes out of frustration. You’ve been delaying me for more than an hour already. I get that you want to accompany Mich too but you offered me the ride first. You should have prioritized me, you know?
I was quiet the whole ride from Sumulong to Marcos Highway, with noise merely coming from my younger sister’s crappy music, and her friends giggling. We stopped over the gas station. The eldest asked the guy to fill in the tank slowly. Mich asked why, and she explained saying so it wouldn’t be all air or something. Whatever. After a while she asked Mich for some coins. Well Mich sort of ignored her so she ended up asking me instead. Well, do I have a choice?
Goddammit. So I actually ended up spending a dime even after getting offered a ride. And what more, I’ve been delayed for almost two hours already. It was already fucking 6:30. I should have just commuted holy shit. You just had me wasted a whole lot of time. I should have just left when you were stalling back home. God, you’re horrible. You just ruined my day.
I was getting sick with impatience when suddenly, she did a right turn. OH MY GOD. So she’s planning to drop them off to Marikina prior to me. OH MY GOD HOLY FUCK YOU’RE FUCKING DELAYING ME AGAIN. I closed my eyes and gasped out my frustration. And then she went “You can just go down and ride somewhere near the terminal. I’ll drop you off. Don’t give me that shit.” “If I only knew you were going to take this long I should have just left earlier and commuted!” I countered. I didn’t shout because there were my sister’s friends. She stopped and I hurriedly opened the door and slammed it. I stormed my way ahead without looking back.
Wow lucky me, I’m spending twice the amount I would’ve if I just commuted earlier. And what more, it’s fucking late. How the fuck am I going to finish everything in two hours. What the fuck. What the fuck.
I arrived at my dorm at 7:30. I was exhausted. And take note, I haven’t eaten anything yet. I am fucking starving. My throat felt dry. And I was dripping in sweat.
The landlady did not recognize me right away because of my hair. I paid the rent right after and asked if she’s already cooked something. She said there’s sinigang. Holy shit my favorite. I ate like a mad man as soon as she gave me my plate. After eating, I cleaned my room. Swept the floor, blew off the dust, mopped the floor, and swept it again. I was tired. I went out to buy food and it was raining. I got back with my legs dirtied. Sheesh. I ate my burger as I scroll down tumblr and tweeted nonsense. Life felt different without my laptop. But I was thankful, at least I get to spend a day without exhausting my baby. Lol. I felt sleepy at 10pm, it was unusual. I lay down and scrolled tumblr for the last time. I closed my eyes. My soul was awake so it was useless. My mind doesn’t stop thinking. I kept rolling and changing positions but I can’t sleep. I felt tired. I got up twice to pee. I kept drinking water. I put on my earphones to listen to my FT Island playlist, and for some reason, I started crying. I wrote on tumblr about it. I cried a little more and closed my eyes. I began planning what I wanted to do about my life. I want to be stronger. I want to do things for myself. I want to stop seeking approval from others. I want to live my life as best as I could. I want to stop feeling the need of acceptance.
I just have to be me, I thought. I’m awesome anyway. There’s nothing wrong about being awesome.
Yes, way to boost my confidence. It’s my only way—the only effective way for a Leo with a tight grip on her pride.
A few minutes later, I forfeited. I switched the lights on and organized the drawers. It was quarter to 3. As soon as I finished, I ate the last two pieces of the bread I bought awhile back. I lay on my bed with my eyes closed. Somehow the lights made me sleepy. I put my earphones back and listened to the same playlist. I checked twitter and tumblr every now and then, and I was glad seeing the gif spam I did on fyeahftisland were actually getting notes. It wasn’t long when I realized it’s already 5. I closed my eyes and waited for my alarm to ring. It was set at 5:10. I got up as soon as it rang.
Part Two later.
(I have just arrived home and I’m really sleepy now)