Lost will

I have nowhere, no one, nobody to talk to. I am left alone in ruin and suicidal thoughts begin resonating in my head. It has come to a point where I would think of stabbing myself with the fork I’m eating with, or simply stepping in front of a rushing vehicle. Nothing made sense. Not even this life. I was drowning in hatred. For the people who had always made me feel inadequate, those I ran to but refused to listen, and everyone I thought would see the insanity through all the jokes and laughter. I was drowning in hopelessness, anxiety, and tears. I don’t want this anymore. I want it to end.

Please, let this end.

See… this is… what I’ve always hated about being happy. There was always a price. Now, now everything is falling apart. I’ve lost any will to live. But I held onto the stoic principle. It will keep me alive, I know. Because if I kill myself now I know I will regret it. I have learned to love life.

I’m dying and nobody notices.

I’m dying and nobody takes notice.

I’m dying and nobody cares to notice.

I want to live but I’m dying to die

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