Follow-through

I suck at relationships, really. Not specifically the romantic kind because I don’t even have first hand knowledge of it. I mean in a general sense. I suck.

I fucking suck.

Beside sucking at keeping in touch, I suck at being appreciative and expressing my sentiments in a way that does not come off too offensive. I have a sharp tongue. I kind of believed I had it toned down a bit but it’s as sharp as ever. I don’t know how to apologize properly, and I keep choosing my pride and ego over anything.

There are times, though, that I stepped on my pride to keep my friendship with someone but most of them ended up with me regretting doing it in the first place. I don’t know. I try for people but I just don’t seem to get any of it right.

I like rare and a lot of rare things and people that I stumbled upon ended up slipping away. It has to be my fault, isn’t it? And I know that opening up this kind of thing to people will only result to them reprimanding me and lecturing me, telling me the same thing almost everyone has told me, even myself–-–that I only stop at realizations and I don’t really attempt to change anything.

You know, reality is, you can have all this kind of realizations and still be unable to do anything about it. And what I fucking hate the most? Almost everyone I talk to makes it sound so simple. They speak as if knowing the right thing and doing just that is so fucking easy. NOPE. Knowing what’s right and doing it are two separate things. Not everyone easily learns the follow-through.

It makes me sick. When people start getting self-righteous, I have this urge to scream at them. But I resort to silence. I resort to walking away. Because it will get nowhere. I will get pissed and become irrational.

Maybe I’m really better off alone.

I’m probably better off alone.

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