Hold onto this

When you’re in love,
the utter brevity of things suffices

Like this

Like the soft smile you gave me unwillingly,
or the short-lived clasping of our hands
before a judgmental crowd.

The slight disappointment on your face
when I said I have to go,
or the silence that came after it.

The post-midnight chill––
the force that pulls me back to you––
and those blind steps which took me
farther and farther away from you.

Or that heart-wrenching pain
when I looked back
and saw your eyes welling in tears.

But tonight,
I drown you in superfluous nonsense,
in ambiguity, in verbosity,
in hopes to evade the true
and only purpose of this.

For once,
I’ll embrace the power and beauty
of silence, of calmness,
and lock you in a warm
and tight hug.

This fighting isn’t getting us anywhere.
You can’t cry forever, curse me forever.

But, let me assure you this

When you’ve exhausted
everything you have––your dreams,
the weight you carried on your shoulders––

I will open your clenched fists
and hold your hands much tighter.

And when everything starts to crumble,
starts to lose its significance,

take refuge in my arms.

They may be slender,
but I will never let you go.

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Ambiguity

Prompt: I wish I had the guts to walk away and forget about what we had. But, I can’t because I know you won’t come after me.

And I guess that’s what hurts the most. 

A crumbling mind, a crumbling heart, a crumbling body
Happiness became synonymous to you
but so did anxiety and dependence

You see, this here is what I have been dreading
I saw it coming yet I didn’t dodge
–– I wouldn’t
–– I couldn’t

Now every inch of me is shaking
collapsing
disintegrating into tiny bits

I said I wasn’t afraid to hurt
I said you couldn’t break what’s already broken
I didn’t think there were more to destroy,
More things to leave barren

So here I am dissolving
shattering
fragmenting into pieces

The you that had become happiness
had morphed into grief and melancholy

Braver and better, happier than ever
the day you happened made me fragile like I was never

A crumbling mind, a crumbling heart, a crumbling body
Anxiety and dependence became synonymous to you
but so did happiness

Like air

I lost something.
A very important part of me.
The worst part is that I probably never had it.

He came into my life a cool breeze
Everyone knows that you can’t catch air
— but I’m a fool and I tried.
And just when I thought I had him,
he slipped right through my fingers — just like air.

When I close my eyes
I can feel his arms wrapped around me,
grabbing my hand and pointing at Orion.
I can feel his breath on my neck,
his body stilling my cold shivers.

I replay that moment every time I blink.

I heard him whisper to open my heart;
I felt him open his.
And for the first time in a long time,
I felt safe.

Every fear that I had,
Every insecurity vanished
when he told me he loved me.

So soft. So low. So gentle. So real.

The moment magnified
I could hear the fish swim in the river below
I could see the fragment of glass on the moon
And everything went silent.

So quiet that you could hear my breathless response.

I wanted to cry
I wanted to scream at the moon and blame God for all these.
But then like air – it disappeared.

His breathing got heavy
I saw flickers in his eyes
And within a matter of seconds,
My world came crashing down.

His confessions cut me like shrapnel.
And even though his thoughts hadn’t become actions
I couldn’t help but feel like I had lost him.

It hurt so bad. So bad.
He turned the tables on me with his delicate slyness;
made me feel as though I had committed the ultimate crime.
And what did I do? I let him.

He made my eyes melt,
my ears bleed,
my heart ache.
And just like a cool sudden breeze — he was gone.

He removed a pebble from my foundation
Collapsed the greatest pyramid in Egypt
And after the dust cleared,
and the air had returned to it’s resting stage
I was left alone in ruins.

Like air

I was gone

Barricade

I tried to make you stay
Offering a love too late
Couldn’t find the words to say
Was driven away by hate

What do I have to do?
This is all I can be
Everyday I endure thinking of you
Wishing you endure waiting for me

I bade goodbye
When all I wanted was you to stay by my side
I asked you to forget
When what I wanted was otherwise

I hoped you stopped me
I needed you to make a step back
I told you ‘I love you’ twice
You must have taken them for lies

Can I come back?
Should I come back?
The questions constantly bubble up my head
I laugh achingly, knocking myself over

Because I knew the answer.

Be eternally happy
Smile always
Life is full of ups and downs
You can cope up, can’t you?

You’re the most beautiful when you smile
Better keep smiling, like Barney
Keep your head up
You’re a lot firmer now, aren’t you?

I am hoping that your memory of me
Someday, one day, comes in picturesque 
Someone who taught you a lesson about life
Not someone who you once loved or broke your heart

I am the happiest when you’re happy
The saddest when you cry
So be a lot the former
And avoid the latter

Could you do that? That’d be a last favor

Don’t worry, I won’t come back
With that, I can’t leave you again.